23 Reasons why borderline personality disorder will stop you from dating

borderline personality disorder

First of all what exactly is borderline personality disorder, well it is part of a cluster of personality disorders.

There is cluster A, B and C. Cluster A includes schizophrenic and paranoid personalities. Cluster C includes obsessive-compulsive disorders as well as dependent disorders, but Cluster B is where you will find borderline personalities as well as anti-social and narcissistic personalities. Each disorder is defined in its group and just because you are in an individual cluster doesn’t mean that you have all the traits associated with it.

I have a YouTube video quickly explaining what a borderline personality is and what it, means to be one.

What is borderline personality disorder or BPD

Now that you know what having a personality disorder is like you will be wondering about how does this affect your day-to-day social interactions with people and especially how does this affect how you date. 

There are so many questions about borderline personality disorder; like is it safe to date someone who has this disorder, or how to tell if you are dating a personality disorder. 

Being in a relationship with someone who has borderline personality disorder can be like no other you have ever experienced. You have to deal with a roller coaster of emotions that could be present in your life every day. Being informed about what to look out for can empower you to have a bit of knowledge so that you know how to face particular challenges as they come up.

Borderline personality disorder falls in the same cluster as having a narcissistic personality, but don’t confuse the two, although they may have some similar characteristics, and I do mean some, not many, there is a huge difference between the two.

One has human feelings, whereas the other doesn’t understand what being human is.

The borderline personality is a person who knows and recognises their disorder and will most often get treatment because of this. Whereas the narcissist has never gotten treatment for their disorder because they will never admit that they are narcissists so, therefore, will not seek treatment for it. The narcissist can and will recognise their symptoms in other people but would never admit to it about themselves. Therefore they are extremely dangerous people to be around.

Why Borderline Personality Disorder Spells Disaster For Relationships

There are 23 reasons why having borderline personality disorder could stop you from dating


  • A fear of abandonment. There is an imagined fear that everybody you meet will at some point abandon you eventually. This fear is so real for you that you could either abandon your partner first so that you don’t have to go through the pain of rejection or act too clingy therefore fulfilling the self-fulfilling prophecy, they then abandon you.
  • You do not want rejection to happen in your life; it devastates you. Just saying ordinary things can lead you to be suspicious of others motives. You tend to jump to conclusions and read too deeply into what someone is saying. An example of that is you may ask your boyfriend/girlfriend a small question about if your glasses suit your face. Their answer has a double meaning for you, rather than just accepting a simple yes or no it has to mean something completely different.
  • Mood swings are extreme. You have high highs and soul crushing lows.
  • You are paranoid that people are out to get you.
  • You have intense feelings of loneliness and have low self-esteem.
  • You tend to demonise your friends. You tend to have a long list of people who you have fallen out with, for some reason.
  • You are terrible about making decisions.
  • You can display destructive behaviours like dangerous driving or major shopping sprees where you max out your credit cards.
  • You get very easily upset. Your partner only has to say one wrong word, and you could take it to heart.
  • You have extreme anxiety. So much so that is can turn you into a nervous wreck.
  • If anything bad has happened in your life, you tend to blame other people for it. You tend not to take any responsibility; it has always got to do with other people never you
  • You have major issues with trusting others. You may have had a few issues while growing up and this has set the foundations for the rest of your life, so you tend to be wary of others
  • You appear to be clingy one minute and hating the person the next. You are in a constant state of love or hate; there is never an in-between
  • Your sleeping pattern is upset because you suffer from insomnia at night. Because of your anxiety you tend to worry about stuff at night, you cannot seem to switch off, so you are awake all night and asleep during the day.
  • You always change your mind and make huge decisions very quickly only to change your mind again and again.
  • You often suffer from panic attacks. With all the anxiety and insomnia and low self-esteem, it can all seem too much for you and you cannot cope.
  • You are impulsive sexually. So you need validation, and you want to be loved.
  • You suffer from rage.
  • You can attack people with aggression that can seem to them as appearing out of nowhere, but for you, it can seem totally justifiable
  • You can get so low that harming yourself is normal. It can be a release for you, but devastating for others close to you to witness.
  • You sometimes have suicidal thoughts and use this to get your way.
  • You are highly defensive.
  • You lack any empathy skills.
  • You can be controlling and manipulative, using self-harm and suicide as a test for your partner.

So it is not easy having a personality disorder, and I hope you can see why these behaviours can stop you from dating. Just remember that no-one is perfect. We all have issues that we need to work continuously on.

Having BPD doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve to be in a loving and committed relationship. You can have that relationship it will just take a lot of work and commitment on your part by recognising triggers and putting yourself in other people’s shoes. Creating empathy skills will put you on the right path for the rest of your life, and the good news is borderlines tend to grow out of this condition in their 40s.

Education is the key to understanding why you or someone you love acts and behaves in a certain way, so don’t assume you have this disorder, alway get it confirmed by a qualified doctor first.

borderline personality disorder

Infographic was taken from Pinterest on 17 Oct by Jennifer Harry for datingnotice.com


This Article Was Written By


Jennifer Harry's goal is to help as many people as she possibly can by offering insights into other people relationships, looking at personality, horoscopes and Tarot. She is a recovering from narcissistic abuse and will be discussing the actions of individuals, why they do what they do, or say what they say when times get tough.


  • Alecea 26/10/2017, 3:53 am

    I loved this article, I really relate to every one of the reasons and it is nice to know that I’m not the only person who feels these things.