9 Reasons Why Abandoning A Narcissist Will Change Your Life

Narcissists typically believe they deserve special recognition for their superior talent or intelligence, which they feel gives them the right to exploit, demean, and use others.9 Reasons Why Abandoning A Narcissist Will Change Your Life

Being with a narcissist is soul destroying, confidence depleting and can leave you feeling that you don’t know who you are anymore.

Abandoning a narcissist will truly be the best decision you have ever made.

Don’t get me wrong, though anyone who is leaving a relationship, whether it is walking out on your marriage/relationship or moving away from your family is one of the hardest things you can do, and it won’t be easy. But in time your life will be so much better.

No more putting up with constant insults and put downs, no more drama and no more money borrowing, life will be quiet.

Your aim is to want to live your life as calmly as possible.

Living a boring life is your immediate objective, and in time you can add more to it. Better that than the crazy stuff, high jinx and monkey business that we are all so used to.

Being within close proximity of a narcissist leads you to do crazy stuff, so abandoning a narcissist might seem crazy to them but is pure sanity for you.

Here are my top 9 reasons why you should abandon a narcissist. And they are:

#1. They are cold hearted, unloving and do not have an ounce of empathy for other people.

#2. A narcissist is extremely calculating; they plan their next move with almost military precision. They are always testing you to gauge your reaction to an opinion or idea, ready for their move.

#3. You are made to feel unsafe around the narcissist. They will do things to you to make you feel unwanted and unwelcome and that you are too bothersome and are a burden to be around.

#4. The narcissist needs to control other people’s way of thinking to suit him/herself.  They need to be the centre of attention and for others to look up to them and to depend on them.

#5. You never know where you stand with a narcissist, do they love you, hate you, resent you, want to kill you or wish that you were never born. You will never be good enough, or smart enough or pretty enough. You are in a constant battle with them if you are with them long enough you will start to believe them and you will lose who you are as a person.  Whenever I watch the film Schindler’s list, (the way that Nazi Germany treated Jewish people and other people of ethnic origin just demonstrates to me that racism is a group narcissistic way of thinking). There was a scene with the maid Helen Hirsch and Amon Goeth in the basement, and how he treats her is exactly how narcissists would behave if let loose and allowed to run amok, as was the case in 1930’s Germany. Helen then confides in Oscar and describes how she doesn’t know how to act to make her life easier. She is damned if she acts one way and she is damned if she acts another, does this ring any bells?

#6. You are an object, not a person who has goals, thoughts and feelings and is part of the human race.

#7. You are a constant source of, money/food/babysitting.

#8. They love laughing at how pathetic you are and will tell you to your face very often.

#9. Even though the narcissist wants you to be close by for whatever they need you for, they don’t and never will trust you. Ever.

What is the Narcissist reaction to abandonment?

Abandonment is their biggest fear. It could go one of two ways: they will say nothing and just drop you out of their life as if you didn’t exist, or you could be subjected to a living hell.

The first way could be turned around by the narcissist that they were the ones that initiated the breakup in the first place. The second way if done not as brutally may not be a long drawn out battle if done in an entirely passive way may not bring about too much stress and agitation.

But then again you are abandoning a narcissist they will react in these eight ways.

– They will try and regain control

– You will witness narcissistic rage like you have never seen before

– You could receive threats

– They will want to take a bit of revenge on you

– They will want to be back in the relationship

– They will be fake nice to hook you back in

– They will concoct fantasies to get you back

Narcissists know how to act and know which emotions to display

What are narcissist abandonment issues?

Narcissists have an inner fear of abandonment and won’t make it easy for you to have any type of amicable breakup. They suffer from what Freud calls ‘narcissistic injury’.

“Narcissistic rage is a reaction to narcissistic injury, which is a perceived threat to a narcissist’s self-esteem or self-worth. Narcissistic injury (or narcissistic scar) is a phrase used by Sigmund Freud in the 1920s; narcissistic wound and narcissistic blow are further, almost interchangeable terms.[1] The term narcissistic rage was coined by Heinz Kohut in 1972.

Narcissistic injury occurs when a narcissist feels that their hidden, ‘true self’ has been revealed. This may be the case when the narcissist has a “fall from grace”, such as when their hidden behaviours or motivations are revealed, or when their importance is brought into question. Narcissistic injury is a cause of distress and can lead to dysregulation of behaviours as in narcissistic rage.” Wikipedia

Remember these people think they are the centre of the universe. They believe that they are superior to everyone on this planet, in every way, shape and form. So by abandoning them, you have shamed their ego, their source of narcissistic supply has vanished (they have not yet secured a new one) and they have to go to all the trouble of finding a new supply pretty quick.

How do you hurt a narcissist?

Very easily. Narcissistic people tend to be super sensitive personality types. They do not take too kindly to ANY form of criticism.

The types of ways you can hurt a narcissist are many, the most common methods are:

-To question their motives.

– Give them a funny look, or what they perceive to be a suspicious look.

– Plan a surprise for them.

– Buy them gifts that you think they would like.

– Greet them in a way that could be interpreted by others (narcissists) to be nasty.

– Talk about past issues.

– Talk to a known enemy of theirs.

– Ask to borrow money.

– Not agreeing with everything that they say.

– Having your own opinion.

– Defending yourself.

They see all of the above as an attack on their person. You will be regarded as a  backstabbing bully who they will not trust anymore.

The happiest day of your life is when a narcissist loses control over you

Joining up the dots can take years of figuring out what this mystery behaviour is that you are witnessing from your loved one, or a work colleague or friend.

At first, I used to blame myself and just say what a terrible person I was, (I was completely surrounded by them), but there was always a niggling thought in the back of my mind that told me that this was not true.

Suffering in silence is what many of us first go through, and I have to admit that I agreed with the narcissists that I must be wicked I was born bad. I had so many terrible thoughts racing through my head continually, that when a family friend showed me some kindness, it floored me. I felt that I didn’t deserve it.  But to my astonishment, it was so infectious that I just wanted to emulate it, I so wanted to be like her, and I loved being in her presence.

It may have only have been a brief moment in my life, but it changed me. It made me want to be like her. So to me, this was one of the many different ways that I had the power to change my thinking about myself. The narcissist then loses a little bit of control over you. It is days like these that make you happy to know that they don’t own you, they don’t control you.

What happens to a narcissist when you leave them?

If they don’t have another form of narcissistic supply, then you are in for a very bumpy road ahead of you. The narcissist will try guilt tripping you into staying with them, in fact, they will probably pull out all the tricks they have at their disposal and use them on you one after another.

Try and make the breakup as amicable as possible, but with it being with a narcissist it isn’t going to be amicable. Depending on how bad the situation is disappearing without them knowing about it may be your only option.

How when a narcissist loses everything, it is always your fault?

The narcissist has a great knack of being blameless. They see themselves as perfect people that are above the law. These are some of the traits that they think they possess.

9 Reasons Why Abandoning A Narcissist Will Change Your Life

So when any misfortune or illness comes their way, YOU are the cause of this sudden disaster.

I have been blamed on two separate occasions by two different people for causing their cancer to appear for some reason or other.

Why When narcissists lose their supply is it so devastating for those who are around them?

They feel abused and bullied so will lash out at anyone who crosses their path. If there isn’t a head Narcissist to report your behaviour to they will often waste police time and make up false allegations about you, or they will go to a solicitor, or lie about going to a solicitor and threaten you with that.

– A narcissist will Panic at the thought of you, their safety net has gone.

– The narcissist will feel fearful and victimised.

– They will spiral into a feeling of No control.

– The narcissist will manipulate you to gain back that control.

– They will turn on the Cham method to see if that will work on you, often begging you on their knees if they have to, they know no shame.

– They will flatter you to death.

– Insult you at the merest of opportunities.

– Make-up stories about you to gossip to anyone who will listen.

– Self-soothe with spending, gambling, drinking, strip clubs, clothes shopping, boat buying.

– He/she will be depressed till they find their new supply.

– Or they will get more bitter and more twisted and not find another partner for a long time.

Narcissists hate seeing others people being happy. You don’t deserve to be happy; all the narcissist wants to do is to rip that smile off of your face. Why do you deserve to be happy when it has nothing to do with them?  I have seen this look of pure hatred in their faces before when they encounter happiness and joy in other people. All they want to do is to tear you down to the disgusting level that they are on and will relentlessly poke fun at you until you can take it no longer or they will intimidate the hell out of you.

An ex-neighbour used this tactic against me a few years ago now. It got so bad that I stopped using my garden because of his intimidation.

He didn’t like it if we were out enjoying ourselves with quiet talking and laughing, but he could do what he wanted with his family, with him being so loud and his kids being loud and whiny, whenever they wanted at any time of the day, but the rare occasions we wanted to use the garden was an absolute no-no in his eyes. His wife even had the cheek to ask for money to contribute to a fence that was on his property that he had done. These people are shameless.

When a narcissist loses power they want you to feel sorry for them, it is just another ploy in their long-term plan to suck the life right out of you.

9 Reasons Why Abandoning A Narcissist Will Change Your Life

Above infographic was taken from Pinterest by Jennifer Harry on 30 November 2016 for datingnotice.com

Got questions? Leave a comment and let’s chat! I look forward to hearing from you soon!

 

This Article Was Written By

Jennifer

Jennifer Harry's goal is to help as many people as she possibly can by offering insights into other people relationships, looking at personality, horoscopes and Tarot. She is a recovering from narcissistic abuse and will be discussing the actions of individuals, why they do what they do, or say what they say when times get tough.

Comments

  • Sandra 10/07/2017, 12:10 am

    How can I escape when he has taken everything?

    Reply
    • jennifer 25/01/2018, 7:45 am

      Sorry my reply is late, but their aim is to leave you completely devastated. So if you have nothing then at least they cannot take that away from you. But it gives you the opportunity to start from fresh. Sorry to hear about that.

      Reply
  • Wanda E Glenn 10/07/2017, 4:38 pm

    Love your article

    Reply
  • Sarah 23/07/2017, 10:52 pm

    This write up is quite insightful and informative. Great stuff. I’m so glad that I came across it. It’s a life saver.

    Reply
  • Gary 28/11/2017, 5:35 am

    Jennifer – this is a superb piece of writing and so insightful into these horrific people. Thank you so much for the read (which made me chuckle a couple of times in how really pathetic they actually are). I would like to add “sex” and “attention” to #7 if the relationship with the narcissist is a romantic one .. Both are extremely important ‘needs’ for the narcissist in that scenario. Anyway, cheers for the great read !

    Reply
  • Gita 08/12/2017, 5:54 pm

    Hello Jennifer,
    Thank you for the article, very insightful and well written! I have just recently gotten out of a relationship with a malignant narcissist and I would like to share my story. Do you have any suggestions to websites where that would be welcomed. Hard as i try to, the memory is hard to shake, and I would appreciate to get some feedback from people who understand the hurt.

    Thank you.

    Gita

    Reply
    • jennifer 25/01/2018, 8:17 am

      You could share your story here if you want, I would love to hear it!

      Reply
  • Beverlee 12/02/2018, 4:10 am

    Superb article and very helpful…

    Reply
    • jennifer 12/02/2018, 3:34 pm

      Thank you! You are so kind!!

      Reply
  • Jay 11/05/2018, 7:14 pm

    I have had the pleasure of entertaining the Jezebel Spirit and it is nothing short of pure psychological dysfunction. Met her, we began dating and three month later we were married. Yes I was naive, but figured I could make it work. I was gas-lighted, manipulated, smeared, emasculated and controlled to the point where I became a docile man. I didn’t notice that I had changed until I began talking to family members about it. Each times I stood up or did something that benefited me, she would leave, playing on my codependency.

    I called the encounter a pleasure because I learned more about myself and my own personal codependency through that short period than I have in other toxic relationships. I confronted my demons and only grew stronger. TO the point where I packed up and left cold turkey. I learned valuable lessons and although the experience was not good, I was able to see that it is what the universe intended for me in order to grow.
    There is something positive in every negative. It just depends on how we look at it. At first leaving hurt, but after a while, I enjoyed being alone and not having to be alert to things that are “normal.” When I began taking control back she could no longer emasculate, guilt, shame, or agitate me. I had begun being free and loved it ever since.

    Reply
    • jennifer 11/05/2018, 11:26 pm

      Thank you Jay, for your story.

      I hope that it will inspire others to do what is right for them. And I’m happy that you have begun a new life. Try and get some counselling though, you have a lot of issues you need to work through.

      All the best!

      Reply