Surviving a breakup with a narcissist is similar to surviving a breakup with someone who isn’t a narcissist. You just have to expect a bombshell to drop on you.
My personal favourites!
You will have to prepare and deal with the stark reality of the breakup and all of its psychological upsets that come with it. The secret to surviving a breakup with a narcissist is you will know what to expect, so yes it will be shocking for you, but you will know to expect that shock factor.
How will you know what to expect? I am going to tell you.
The first of the five biggest mistakes that you can avoid is to stay broken up. Don’t hold out that you will get back together again; you are wasting your precious time.
Keep no contact, unless you have kids together then keep minimum contact, do not engage with him/her.
Losing someone through a breakup is and can be devastating for you, never forget that you will still need to go through a grieving process.
Expect every trick that they have used on you in the past, to resurface, and they will try everything, even new tricks you haven’t seen before. Expect the unexpected.
Assume that the narcissist will make contact with you, even if they were the ones to dump you, they will at some point get bored with the new arrangement that they have made and will try to see if you are still hurting for them.
Surviving a Narcissist Relationship and Bad Break-Up
The 5 Biggest Mistakes
When you have broken up with a narcissist, stay broken up with them. Believe me; any sign that they may get from you is narcissist food for them to have a feast.
As devastated as you may be feeling, the best thing to do for your sanity’s sake is to keep a journal about all the rough treatment you have received from your narcissistic ex. Have the journal with you at all times and write things down as you remember them. (This exercise will make you feel upset but it is a good idea to use meditation to help get yourself out of the negative thinking. Rethinking about the ‘hell’ that you suffered is bound to be a huge trigger for you).
When the narcissist does get in contact with you, then refer to these negative memories and ask yourself the question ‘Do you want to go back to feeling like this most of the time?’
2. Create your first boundary and make a solid commitment to yourself that you will have always to keep up a no contact rule.
A no contact rule is important for many reasons and must be upheld by you if you are to survive this breakup with your sanity intact.
It is important for you to remain silent because any utterance from you can and will be utilised in a negative way by the narcissist. He/she will be dissecting every single look, move or sound that you make, and it will easily be used by them to prove their behavior or used to discredit your name and to spread rumors about you.
If you give them nothing, then your mind and your sanity are safe. Of course, the narcissist makes stories up. Expect this. If they cannot find any dirt, then they use their active imaginations and can concoct a fairy tale story where you are the villain, and they are the victim.
3. It will take time for you to get over the breakup of your relationship and just because they are a narcissist doesn’t relieve the pain you will feel. I am not going to sugarcoat this; you will feel devastated, confused, hurt and manipulated and a whole host of other emotions will rear their ugly heads. You will naturally be going through a grieving process so expect your emotions to be up and down for a while it is normal for this to happen.
4. The key to surviving a breakup with a narcissist is to fully understand that they will use every trick in their arsenal to gain your attention.
You know what the real face of the narcissist is, yes? Only those that know a true narcissist will know this face. You may also have seen the rare glimpses of a softer nicer person; you know the one that you would drop everything for in a heartbeat, well, this more delightful person/face can show itself to you to try to woo you back.
You have to remember that the narcissists are good actors/actresses.
I have been stung with the kind narcissist act many times in my childhood to know exactly what it is when I see it and not to trust it one bit. I knew that nice wasn’t nice it was fake nice, so it was just as scary as the normal narcissist side because it threw me off-balance so many times. Experiencing this phenomenon, I can only describe it like this, it is like someone switching the switch for night and day, one friendly look to a stranger followed by a look towards me of hatred, anger, and disgust.
As well as seeing the narcissists nicer side here are seven tricks the narcissist will use to try to woo you back:
# narcissist trick 1. They will claim to change into a different person
# narcissist trick 2. They will beg forgiveness and will be sorry for what they have put you through
# narcissist trick 3. They will shower you with gifts
# narcissist trick 4. They will start saying all the stuff you wanted them to say to you the time you were with each other
# narcissist trick 5. They will go over all the good times you had together
# narcissist trick 6. They will show love towards you and be supportive for the first time in ages
# narcissist trick 7. They will cry in front of you and make it look so sincere
They will do everything possible, even ridiculous things that will make your mind boggle. I mentioned above to expect the unexpected, well, there is one more classic narcissist trick that I didn’t mention and this one is quite serious.
They will fake a serious illness to get you back! A common illness for the narcissist to choose is cancer.
So can you imagine being told this devastating news you are bound to run back to them right? Good advice here is to hold out and do nothing; it should fade out into the nothing that it is. Remember it is a fake illness after all, but the narcissist could use it to their advantage if you break the no contact rule. But remember they will punish you for not saying anything about their fake illness along with their henchmen.
5. If you break the no contact rule with any of these tricks they pull on you, they will soon be back to their usual narcissist selves.
They will manipulate you; you will see that see-saw of emotions resurface again like rage followed by insincere ‘love you’ apologies and ‘I will never do that again honey bunny’.
Then will come the controlling stuff like telling you not to say certain things about them as the narcissist believes that they own you and control you.
They are arrogant and will ignore any boundaries you want to keep.
The mind games will start and so will the relentless competition they are in with you, but you have no idea this is going on.
So saying ‘yes’ to a narcissist will only mean that they will change back to the nasty creeps that they always were and soon you will be waist deep wallowing around in their excrement wishing you could escape and wondering why you were taken in so easily.
Mourning the Narcissist after Breakup or Divorce
Expect to hear from them after a few months or even years.It is usually a cryptic garbled message that looks like gobbledygook. This is done on purpose for you to contact them and get communication going again. The biggest mistake is to acknowledge them.So don’t. The no contact rule is there for a reason, and it is a good reason. Just remember that any acknowledgment from you will be used against you.
What happens when you breakup with a narcissist?
When you breakup with a narcissist, consider these implications first.
You will go through emotional trauma, psychological trauma, you could experience physical trauma, and you will without a doubt suffer from a financial trauma.
The best thing to do before you breakup with a narcissist is to create a plan where you get all of your financial problems sorted out first.
If you split and the narcissist owes you money, kiss goodbye to it.
The narcissist will enjoy this game of cat and mouse and will never let you get anything you are owed back. ‘What money? Don’t know what you’re talking about’
As for all the other traumas, you will face again, plan, plan, plan. Make sure the narcissist doesn’t find what you are doing.
I think no matter what you are going through you are going to have to be your own rescuer. You will have to be strong about this but knowing there is a way out should make you feel a lot happier.
What a narcissist does at the end of a relationship?
If a narcissist leaves you, you can guarantee there will be plenty of drama involved in it.
Guaranteed is the financial bomb they will leave on your doorstep.
This brings back memories of an Oprah show I watched a few years ago, and it always stuck in my mind. The story is, the narcissist husband left his wife and kids through committing suicide, leaving a nasty letter behind describing how lousy she was as a wife. He left her in considerable debt and to top it all he canceled the insurance policy he had on himself a few days before he killed himself. So the poor woman not only had to deal with her husband’s death but also she was almost left homeless because of what he had done. He hated her and his children so much he wanted her and them to feel as dead as he was.
How does a narcissist feel when you move on?
If the narcissist has another victim to move onto like a new boyfriend/girlfriend, then they will quickly move on and disregard your relationship as if it were nothing.
Or the narcissist could be resentful of the fact that they don’t have a consistent supply to feed off, so they will do everything in their power to make sure you have a lousy time of it.
The thought of you moving on with your life will enrage the narcissist, and they will be cruel towards you calling you every name in the book. You will also become part of the ‘crazy people’ list, the narcissist has.
Will a narcissist return to a relationship? Will a narcissist come back after no contact?
Yes. In some way shape or form, they will want to return to your life. It is up to you whether you fall for this con man/woman trickster.
Got questions? Leave a comment and let’s chat! I look forward to hearing from you soon!